I became a Texas resident today. Driver's license and due to the great joys of Motor Votor, am registered to vote in Gregg county.

:-)

life is continually busy. lots of math, writing (journals, journals, and more journals), reading (but it's lewis and doctrines!) and good times with special friends. but I am surviving and getting thru by the grace of God.

back to attempting to be productive with any of the above things...

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:13 PM 

 

   Here I sit, 4 o clock on a saturday afternoon, having done nothing as of yet for I've only been awake an hour. I had better get started on the much I have to do this weekend....

By the way, my lesson went well enough that I probably have a B on it.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 3:51 PM 

 

   because i'm such a dork.

i had a speed of 419 wpm and 91% comprehension.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 10:02 PM 

 

   So my Fall Break has now ended and I sit and wait to get all nice and clean...and contemplate trying to wake up early in the morning to see a helicopter--an Apache.

Fall Break was just wonderful. I'm glad we stayed around and bummed. I did get some work done, although not nearly as much as I should have. However, it's all good. Saturday I slept until 2, did work, and than we had dinner and played games and watched a movie. Sunday was church, work, dinner, games, movie....Trivial Pursuit lasting until the wee hours. It was great fun even though I have a great lack of trivial knowledge. The pursuit of random and strange knowledge is of trivial interest to me :-) (takes just PUNishment)

oh yes, punning has been quite the thing around here as of late...

back to what we did. On Monday, I woke up early to go to my older bro's. We had delicious Chinese food and than bummed around the camp he works at. He looked at the car and informed me that it needed a water pump. ASAP. We made it back to Longview just fine to run into the crew and therefore have more fun with games and a movie. I watched half of "Bowling for Columbine" It's quite an interesting movie and it was quite unfortunate that I was quite tired and thus falling asleep.

So Tuesday morning, I arose early yet again to take the car to the repair shop. The pump blew up at the intersection before the repair shop. Steam began to come from the hood and water began to leak in the parking lot of the repair shop. Josh and I than ran errands all morning, well, he took me on the various errands I needed to do such as buy stuff for the coffee cart, get my hair trimmed, deposit a check, see about becoming a Texas resident again. THan we got back and I pretended to do work while he napped. And then after picking up the car from the repair shop we went off on a jaunt to Dallas to pick up Toad. It was mostly uneventful other than getting lost and unlost. I have no problems with stopping and asking for directions and a map. and I, oddly enough, have a knack for keeping a cool head when people around me are getting angsty. Don't know why my angst comes when no one else is worrying....

and Today rolled around and I worked at the cart, got some books from the library, did the normal wednesday night routine of a little work ("researching" by reading a book) after taking a lovely stroll "around" campus with my most favorite smiling cynic. Devos were good with G2 as Rebecca Friedlander came and did a potter devo. It was as good as the chapel guy...if not a little better as she came up with some new analogies I hadn't heard. Such as with relationships and making two pieces into one and other such stuff. I came away with a new dimension of perspective on everything with my heart condition. Hard to explain really. I guess the best way to say it is that maybe I was made weak so as to lean on Someone and someone stronger than I.

and now I see that the shower is free and the smell of clean beckons me and than my pillow want to whisper sweet nothings into my dreams.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:02 AM 

 

   55 minutes shy of 28 days, I am shutting down my computer for the night until I wake sometime late tomorrow. hopefully, very late. and it's fall break. I get a break...still have stuff to do, but It's a break. no work. no classes. spread out what i need to accomplish over the course of a few days and extra hours. not to mention having fun with friends.....

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:28 AM 

 

   5 seconds before i was going to use the money, someone attacked me in kings of chaos and took it. oh well. i guess the catapults will have to wait.

i needs more fuzz on my brain. unfortunately, i don't think brain's grow fuzz when they are left to sit, forgotten in a dark and damp area.....

I keep reflecting on my life a year ago and the awesomeness of God's grace that I'm here today--typing this and being healthy. A year ago today (The thursday) was the worst day of my life when it..i about had an exhaustive breakdown--actually, i really did it's just i didn't go to the doctor or anything--probly should have--but anyway.

First, let me explain to you that on Thursday evenings I had a hellish class. The last few weeks before this fateful evening, I had been having bad migraines during class, left ticked off at the profs every time, and was having heart problems. I was on a fast from caffeine for awhile to see if that helped the heart out--no chocolate, no coffee. the worst was not having chocolate. the no caffeinated drinks was actually good for me. *realigns train*

I was flying in my roommates boyfriend from New Jersey to surprise her and this was the morning he was flying in. He had promised to tell his parents that he was going on this trip. The class of death had a paper due on Christian views of creation--age of earth. I didn't start on it until the night before. I stayed up until 3 writing the paper, going to sleep and planning on getting up around 7 to finish because i didn't have class until 130. well, the roomie's cell phone rang around 6. it was the boy's dad. he hadn't told his parents about the trip (he lived in apartment with a friend) and they wanted to know if she knew of his whereabouts. laying in bed, looking asleep, i heard the conversation--she didn't know a thing and pondered what to do. i finally gave in and told her so that she could call his parents back and let them know. after that excitement, i got up and finished my paper for the next few hours. I picked up the boyfriend around 11. we had lunch and than came back to campus where i delivered him to her class as she got out and than went off to take a Physics 2 test. right after that test I had a CS-2 test. neither of this classes had been going well for me, especially com sci.

the afternoon went on and eventually i had dinner and went off to class. I was feeling fine for the first half-hour. Than it started to hit me...it was like a pressure on my brain--a headache without the ache you might say. I couldn't focus or concentrate on anything--lights and noise were hell. To top it off, the profs kept droning on, not letting us have our break once again at 7 and saying things to provoke disagreement without lettings us discuss. The profs knew about my health issues and I finally gave in and asked to leave class a little over halfway through.

somehow i made it back to my room. i really don't know how. i just know it was a very long walk from glaske to elh and i wasn't sure i was going to make it the entire way. but i did. i came into my room and found people. they realized i wasn't supposed to be back so soon and became quickly concerned. i conveyed just needed some quiet sleep so they cleared a space on my bed as i muttered about dropping the hateful class. and i dozed for awhile. my roommate took over my TI for calc 2 for me. around 10, a friend came up whom i had agreed to help set up a prank with on a class the next day. we wandered along trying to find stuff to work. checked the final product of it all. wandered more to burn c.d.s, acquire batteries and the c.d. player, rope. set it up only to have one member of our crew fall off the chair off the desk and split his chin a little bit and bruise his ribs. everything was set for that and i wandered back over to the courtyard as we fixed him up with some aleve and ice and a bandage.

at some point during this process, i received a message from my parents--my sister, who had been due to have a baby two weeks later, had gone for a check-up and the doctor had decided to induce labor the next day. so my nephew was on his way.

down in the courtyard, a next of cockroaches erupted. It was disgusting, yet intruiguing and BIG parental roaches would wander around. like a couple of inches long. roaches were everywhere.

and thus the day ended.

i went on to enjoy a fabulous fall break in georgia with sunny and cara--getting very much needed rest and relaxation. i dropped the class the very next day and was amazed at the feeling of freedom i had and the feeling that a burden had been lifted.

The medical stuff continued on as most of ya'll well know from my first couple of months of blogging. I sit here, still free of a pacemaker and still in debt to the medical world. but God's grace has pulled me through a ton and in about four-five months of so, most of the debt will be paid. I even managed to pull off an A in computer science 2 somehow and I had a high B in physics--i think it was an 87 or 88. ironically, the paper i turned in that very last class was one of my best papers yet (i think) and i made an A+.

God is awesome. I don't show him enough gratitude or attention for all he does for me. I am quite undeserving of the blessings, the grace he has bestowed upon my life. His grace has protected from many a car accident. Has led me to good jobs, fantabulous friends, and trials. He shattered my clay jar last year. It seems that 2003 has been spent constructing something new and more durable. I will be broken and stripped again, remolded I know but it's God doing it and therefore it is for the best.

God's Grace is so Amazing that nothing in the world can do justice to describe it or God. No song (although the favorite hymn expresses MUCH), no book (except the Bible), no words, no picture can fully exemplify the enormity and awesomeness of God and His Grace. Grace is infinite and loving. God is Grace just as God is Love and God is Hope.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:48 AM 

 

   dare i make a to do list on here? eh, why not. it could get interesting at parts.

*read Lewis' Space Triology
*Finish Orthodoxy
*write education journals
*write doctrines journals
*write paper on Lewis, Joy, and Till we Have faces
*research and write paper on complementarian and egalitarian views of roles of men & women
*Reform from Violent tendencies
*send Corey Common Grounds weekly report
*pray
*numerical analysis hw for tomorrow morning
*real analysis for tomorrow afternoon
*doctrines chapter study questions...if Dr W. has them up...
*exercise--go rollerblading!
*have fun with friends!
*sleep
*wash and vacuum red car
*wash and vacuum white car
*respond to emails
*let family members know i'm still alive
*spend more time getting to know people on floor
*get up floor verse
*get Name signs for doors together
*start up some other ideas for decorating floor
*read Bible
*grade Calc 3 papers
*pay bills!
*clean stuff off computer
*clean up room for inspections
*gaze at the stars
*relax in the sunshine
*go awandering one open dorms
*organize my room better
*laundry
*order this to do list by priority time
*change the water for my fish
*feed my fish
*wash dishes from the last week
*.
*.
*.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 10:30 PM 

 

   the second part of the name is kind of pretty:

My Mormon name is Adonna Aliselyn!
What's yours?

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:39 AM 

 

   

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:40 AM 

 

   well, i didn't get the knife as many of you heard. It got sold in the two hours that i found it and than came back with money. oh well. Next tim :-)

It was good to spend an evening with Morgan, Julie, and Jim.

I'm also very happy to have finally chosen a church to settle in for the rest of my college career--St. Mike's. The worship is good, I can stay awake and get something out of the sermon much of the time, the people are great.

The week is only halfway over and I am worn out. I have a Real Analysis test tomorrow *makes face*. But then, it's almost the weekend! I feel very much at the lower end of the totem pole in Inklings and Doctrines, but I am learning much and enjoying greatly both classes. I think my right-brained skills have weakened with so much of my focus being on the left half the last couple of years. Not to mention that I really didn't learn a lot in either of my Comp classes--I really skated through both somehow. Oh well.

I wish I had something remotely interesting to post for ya'll. If I think I'm busy this week, next week is worse when i put in an extra six hours in "subbing" for Mrs. Taylor in Intermediate Algebra. I'm not really worried though.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 8:00 PM 

 

   A rather nice and steady week with a tomorrow to look forward to: SCA event with Gecko, Jason, Jenny, Lisl, my favorite boy in fun clothes and such (word is that I might get a knife...:-D) and than Morgan and Julie coming in. Sunday will be INSANELY BUSY, but oh well--it'll be worth it. Monday is looking to be crazy too. as always.

*looks for train of thought*{now where did that go?} {ooh! i think i see it....}

*chases after train but by chasing manages to keep losing grasp*

garrrrhhhhhh. {I'll go chase that other one instead}

i feel so much at an interesting point in my life right now. in some ways like I have some roads ahead of me and I need to choose which I'm going to follow. I could follow the road of the world on the right--but then I can't because I can't deny God and the consequences are just to much. I could follow I could go to the left, that road of following God with a one-track mind of focusing on him. Or there is this road in the middle that I seem to have been taking and in some ways want to take, (while also wanting to go to the left) the middle road of mediocrity. It'd be a lot easier to just give up and continue on worry mostly about myself and a few close people. I could continue just giving things like schoolwork minimal effort. I could continue to choose sleep and such things and multi-task God into my life through schoolwork (like doctrines.) Yes continue. Because I feel that is the road I've been taking for some time now. Something is pointing me towards a harder road. a rougher road. one with few people and unpopularity. Sure, I'll be "fine" if I continue on this road of mediocrity but I don't think I'll be as happy. I'll always be condemning myself or questioning, doubting and compromising where I shouldn't. Sure sometimes there are appearances of me not living for myself and doing good things for other people, helping them out. But I feel that I don't do it all the time and is doing it only part of the time enough? Yes. I can strive to live 24-7 a life of love and yes I know I will fail because I am human. But should I not try because I know I'm going to fail? What am I defining success and failure by? Am I again trying to claim to know more than God and underestimate him?

I hate gossip and I hate pride. I hate people who are judgemental. I am a hypocrite for I do all of these things.

That middle road of constantly excusing and "justifying" my actions. Yeah. and than I hear these other human voices--"Yeah, but you're still stronger than me in your faith" or "You're a better person than me." But .... that's not me that they see. (*light is dawning on mere human at keyboard*) that is God working in me that they see for I myself am not that way. I am human, weak and imperfect in a great number of ways. I CANNOT say that "Yes I am a better person for you" for than I am a worse person for I have fallen into the trap of pride.

and my mind continues to constantly analyze and compare to other people. I shouldn't be comparing other people to others or to myself.

*mind jumps track* I stare into my cluttered desk drawer and realize that my mind is a lot like it. Cluttered with lots of good things, things I mean to use and are quite helpful, but are buried under worthless pieces of trash paper or distractions. It's disorganized-chaotic. Some things can be related, other things in there make no sense at all, although hazy connections can be drawn.

and i constantly go through my life regretting and realizing what i 'should have done'. I should have stopped and talked a little more to that person who was having a rough day. I should be more into doing some of the little things on the floor. I should gain some more discipline to say "Anna no. you must go get things done first." i should better prioritize that hats God has given me to wear.

what's it going to take to get me off this mediocre road onto that road of the left?

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:32 AM 

 

   help me build an army to continue attacks on my handsome cynic in kings of chaos! click link once a day:-) I stole money from him the other night :-D

insanity and beyond!

i'm supposed to go to bed now. i say that a lot. but i fell asleep in doctrines :-( and that isn't a class worth sleeping through (and it's dangerous, taught by woodring!) life is good after a fun weekend with lots of fun pictures taken :-D and good time with awesome friends!

ya know that feeling like God is trying to help you change something without kicking ya in the butt yet? yeah. i think I'm missing something, I don't know. although I believe there are some signs pointing towards pride...I don't know. I feel a struggle coming on, but somehow I have faith that it will be different this time for the support around me is so strong that God will use my friends to catch me if I fall, when/if I fail. so much to sort through, so little time to sort. i don't know...sleep time!

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:52 AM