and oh wonderful. blogger is being crazy and not posting quite so fast yet again. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:18 AM 

 

   "Remember when. . . ."

i love meeting new people and i love especially random fun. it has been a spectacular weekend! tonight i got to visit with an old yet still strong and wonderful friend and we viewed a video of days gone by--sixth grade back when i had the E. TX accent. :-) it's great to go back and revisit happy wonderful memories, actually even some of the memories that aren't so great but ones we learned from. bonds made between friends are wonderful wonderful things. I still hold that friendship is one of the greatest gifts God has given us.

then i got back in time to see that School was after Stitch and had in fact gained possession of the little stuffed animal. Much fun ensued as I joined the battle and then we just had fun after that--taking the willing "hostage" and then other fun things that still make me wish I'd had a video camera for. However, i realize the best part about tonight is that I shared it with friends and however many years down the road we'll be able to sit back and laugh again. It falls the same for last night--I think this has been the best year of my life for as many more struggles I've endured. But then, without those struggles would I have really grasped how wonderful my friends and siblings of Christ are? the struggles have been worth it. and sacrificing homework and sleep are far worth, and but a small price to pay (well, maybe not so small price) but making memories is worth the price.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:13 AM 

 

   okay, i mentioned having written down some stuff last fall regarding unity and LU. Here it is:

The date would be whatever day StuGov chapel was.

"I have a dream of LU students all being excited about chapel, uniting together--every ONE, to serve and worship the Lord our God. I see an LU that shines as a living testimony to God in Longview, in Texas, in America, in the World. The LU not of disunity between majors [and floors] but where all students respect one another and their professors. I have a dream where the floors to do encouraging and edifying things for one another instead of degrading the repuation of a floor. God brought all the students here, even those in the non-technical majors. He can do great things through those in business, English, science, math, aviation, and so on. Instead of gossip, we hear and talk about the great things God is doing. This is all possible; it starts with us--setting the standards, and relying, trusting, listening to God.

We are all on the same football team and everyone has a crucial role. We will win because this team has God as a captain. Yet we are up against Satan and his forces--they are sneaky, sly, and won't hesitate to pull illegal moves. we must work together, each in our own part--some will run, others catch, more will block and tackle. We also have those who encourage, those who heal, those who train. The armor of God is our uniform.

Satan gets scared when we are united, he does what he can to strike at the core of that unity. We cannot be afraid, God is with us. Let the bullets fly, let the bompbs explode, that would just prove Satan is scared."

just some food for thought. I got the football analogy from Fall Retreat. I highly recommend going to that if you are free that weekend (not referring to Impact but the "AO", LU Fall Retreat.) We can't let our differences divide us. Satan's team will keep scoring touchdowns if we don't work together and if we don't each individually do our parts. What is your part? How are you letting Satan score points?

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:58 PM 

 

   since i'm in a thoughtful reflective mood, and not able to concentrate on silly things like journals:

i was reflecting on some aspects of my life and trying to understand this nagging fear i have regarding some things. (and hey, my whole idea of what i'm about to say is going to come out in a floor devo this Wed. .. !) what do i have to fear if I'm not in control of my life, more focusedly :-p, if God is in control of my life. If I control my life, than yes, I should be afraid. and if another human controls my life, than yes, i should fear, because humans cannot be trusted 100%. But my life, my heart, my soul, my spirit, my mind, my body are all in God's hands because I gave them to him--repeatedly give to him--and that means I have nothing to fear because God is awesome, he is wise, loving, intelligent, all-knowing, all-powerful and he loves me. He wants and seeks to give the best to me.

i just happened to look down at my floor and noticed a piece of paper that must have fallen out of my Bible. "Coincidentally" enough, it was upturned so that the words from a hymn were showing "In The Name of the Lord":

"Crowds have lined the narrow streets to see the Man from Galilee,
Just a carpenter some say, leading folks astray,
Yet many kneel to give Him praise.
And in His eyes they glipse the pow'r that sees the hearts of all men;
And he knows his Father's mind, He speaks His Father's words,
For He comes in the name of the Lord.

There is strength in the name of the Lord,
There is pow'r in the name of the Lord,
There is hope in the name of the Lord,
Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.

His name will be worshipped forever,
Creator, Redeemer and King!"

I sit back and think some more. We are called to go out in the name of the Lord and therefore we have that hope, strength, and power. We are blessed. What do we have to fear? we have God on our side! He has a GOOD and PERFECT will for our lives. We can trust him although we cannot trust ourselves or other men.

Easier said than done.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:51 PM 

 

   wow. hmm, four weeks from today i think finals will all be over. . . :-D well, maybe it's five. i haven't actually counted, yet. so much to do, so little time but oh how sweet it will be to be done with this semester. i briefly considered dropping out and joining a convent today. . .they do need teachers and life would be so much simpler. I wouldn't last though. I probly border on being a heretic sometimes according to other people's beliefs.

At least I'm enjoying learning right now. John Milton has been quite fascinating and I look forward to making time to read some of his stuff more indepth. The list of books to read, movies to watch, things to do grows. I even realized today that I have actually learned and not been too terribly bored by Old Testament Backgrounds. What a concept!

I am in dire need of sleep. I know full well I shouldn't be pushing myself like this, but it won't stop me. :-/ All this and beautiful weather, while I remain mostly disconnected from the current World situation. I think I always do that though with major national events--get tired of all the fuss and therefore ignore it. If it isn't affecting me personally. . . Yes, I'm a prime example of apathy and paying more attention to self-interests right now. The same thing happened with Oklahoma City and 9-11. I was sad, but I just had to move on with life and all. Different scenarios, different circumstances, say what you will. One of the most annoying things to myself sometimes is that I know the "right" answers and why I should be doing things differently. . .kind of like those verses in Romans. . .

Well, I'm going to meander on now. Playing ultimate frisbee in a little while :-D

       <"Learning Teacher"> 6:27 PM 

 

   well, i woke up and decided to sleep on farther into the day i was still so exhausted. so i slept until 2, 13 still not long enough hours of sleep.

i'm overwhelmed by so much. by school. by various situations. by my self. i need to not need sleep.

but Praise God for wonderful friends who encourage me with words that last throughout the day. Praise God for beautiful days like we had today.

I have these feelings that I am being called into a life that seeks and actively pursues change. (and i'm beginning to wonder if we aren't all called into that?) Anyways, i've seen the wrongs committed by authorities on people around me and it hurts even worse when i have seen it come from a Christian organization--such as a camp, or a school of Christians. I see the need for change but I'm concerned at how it might be pursued. I'm afraid that in seeking change people will do the very things they are fighting against and divide instead of unite. I especially get concerned when I get conflicting stories on the goals and focus of a group from two people. I wonder what God is preparing me for by bringing me to these things. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a support for those who seek the change, maybe I'm supposed to seek change with them. I don't know. Maybe my concerns are out of selfish and bruised pride because I feel like I'm not being listened too and that my ideas are being dropped without even giving a thought to them.

I will now also admit that I don't really support the war on Iraq. They did not attack us first. Was it really a defensive measure? A good friend explained his views and why he disagrees with war on Iraq. The issue seems to be on them having weapons--don't we? I will grant that Saddam Hussein doesn't deserve his power and that Iraqis need to be liberated from them, but is this the way to go about that? I haven't seen war as a justified way of achieving that. I have this feeling that we are more displaying ourselves as a power and why they shouldn't be bringing their armies onto our soil. I still don't know enough about all the issues to make a fair statement though.

all this goes on in the world while I have been feeling the brewing storms of change here at LU. I think i even felt it a bit last year. "pro-admin" and "anti-admin" is really a bad way of describing the so-called "sides". From what I have heard--all from people who have experienced problems first-hand or second-hand, I recognize a need for change. But I also see people attacking personally members of administration and showing an attitude of disprespect. I have lots of questions and I haven't really heard administrations so called "side" of the story and I don't like making my position solidly in a spot until I know all sides of an issue. I will grant that I haven't seen justified reason for Shem to be removed from chaplaincy. and I will grant that as I perceive things, people have been wronged.

I don't like hearing though that the majority of students at this school are here because of it's Christian bubble atmosphere and I don't see how LU has really marketed that to parents who want to shelter their children. Maybe there are a few where this is the case but if that were so, there are other schools with the bubble-like atmosphere that are easier and cheaper. I also see a lot of "un-Christian" like attitude among students and possibly administration too. I see the real world also existing here. I think a lot of people came here for the education, the challenge and quality of the teaching. that's what i think though. I also tend to see that the people who see this so-called bubble are ones who weren't raised in a "Christian family" with going to church every Sunday and all.

I want to see unity not division. I think later I shall publish what I wrote last fall. I want to see administration and students working together. Maybe this isn't possible--but then I have this belief that nothing is impossible with God. How much have we tried to take concerns to administration and confront them on issues?

I'm not standing in the middle. I'm standing where I believe and how I perceive things. I stand against a lack of love and the sin in the world, not against people. I stand against injustice and judgementalism. I stand for love, compassion, mercy, justice, unity, peace, like-mindedness. I desire to follow God with his will being my purpose.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 8:34 PM 

 

   i really wish i had time to stay up and write on this but i have to sleep so i can get up for church. I'm aiming for tomorrow as a good break from journals, research, studying for tests and more.

Thank you God for wonderful encouraging friends and for the people on this campus that I run into, the comments I overhear. Change this campus, light a fire and blow our hearts away with your love and power.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:50 AM 

 

   i really should be sleeping instead, but. . .

so war. wow. never thought I'd see that in my lifetime--at least until the last few years. history it being made: what will kids learn about this time so many years from now--if Christ hasn't returned before then? what will happen? do we really want to know? i still don't know what to think. I don't want to think about it. i have a sister in the Navy. she wants out in December to take care of her son. She hates her job. She's wanted out since before 9-11. I'm praying she doesn't get deployed. That would tear her up emotionally. I have a younger brother old enough to be drafted. I hope Bush was right when he said the troops are going to come home hopefully in a relatively short time--get the job done and get out. sounds like a plan.

we have another good speaker in chapel and I was silently screaming Amen during both chapels today. He was talking about the Christian sub-culture and how Christians really have this own little world (commonly referred to as bubble) and are against the world. that theme keeps coming back at me oddly. we aren't supposed to be of the world, but we are called to change the world--to be in it, not in a bubble. It isn't terrible to listen to "secular" music or read "non-Christian" books. God can work thru any means. We can see God in just about anything if we look.

i had something more to say. . .but i really don't remember now. i need to sleep. sigh. sleep just isn't so appealing anymore.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:52 AM 

 

   sometimes i wish i could record my brain through the day and play it back. I had some great discussion this afternoon. So many thoughts fly through my head, so many connections--as if the pieces all fit together but the picture is too fragile and then shatters.

it's hard to be an Idealist in this world, more prone to discouragement.

I want to be a world changer. I want my voice to be heard. I realize I cannot change the world, but I'd like to try anyways. By trying to change the world, maybe I can change people's lives. As I've been telling friends: i want to be a blue Rubber Ducky. Now i'd better explain. . . :-)

Last year when I came to college, I had all these rubber duckies lined up: I had friends here. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew this place, I knew what to expect. Then God pushed all the rubber duckies except one out the very window of the very room: the place where I had planned to be. One rubber ducky stayed: to become a high school math teacher. Outside of that, i knew nothing. THen I realized that I had taken control of my life instead of leaving EVERY LITTLE PIECE in God's hands. When I came to grips with that, My world got turned around upside down and for the better, although it was done quickly and not without heartache. I'm a re-made person. God broke my jar. I learned what hope was and how it really is possible to have joy in all circumstances.

[random] it is way easier to write on the computer, or at least record my thoughts because I can type faster than I can write by hand [/random]

back to the blue rubber ducky. so i decided to accept my one rubber ducky and began to pray that God would reveal others in his perfect timing. (this all sounds good, I happen to be leaving out the fact that I haven't believed this 100% out of the time. . . far below that actually.) He spent a lot of efforts on me in the desert, drawing me closer to him and showing me who I really am and can be. He blessed me with friends who i never dreamed could be so awesome. I saw a new person in the mirror, someone I could accept.

Today i realized that I don't want to be a yellow rubber ducky teacher that looks like and acts like other yellow rubber ducky teachers. God is painting me a different color; I say blue because it is my favorite. Just plain blue is probably too simple. I believe God is going to use me in big ways; I believe he is going to use this generation of LU students in big ways. I don't think he has plans of an average family life, settled and what not. (as if an "average family life" really exists...) I may not be able to change the whole world but maybe God will use me to change part of it, as he uses my friends and fellow students to change different parts.

there is so very much more i'd like to say on so many other topics. my voice might occur other places though. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 8:40 PM 

 

   after browsing thru other blogs, i remembered what else went thru my mind regarding the War & Iraq situation.

I'm not sure what to make of it, what to do personally: I guess I can only go on with my life and remember to pray.
Homework, tests (i really should be sleeping. . . ), Spring break, everything seems so inconsequential right now: but I guess they aren't to me.
I wonder what our future is going to be like. Is this how our generation is going to be remembered? Is Christ coming back very very soon? Is my life in danger--more so than normal life. . . ? Sheesh, I had a dream--not a nightmare--the other night about a biological attack.

Life will never be the same. I guess they always say that, and in all truthfulness, you can say that at the end of each day. I guess in the "grander" scheme of things. . . life will not be the same. Things are changing. I feel it. It isn't just in America as we are about to go to war. It's also here on LU campus, call me crazy, call me unrealistic. . . I've heard lots of people with the same ideas, same ideas I have and I tell you that we aren't getting them from each other. Just about every time, overcast windy nights when I'm walking outside. . . i get this feeling of the calm before the storm, of a brewing storm.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:16 AM 

 

   quick write:

it was quite the day:
330 am: fire alarm GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
normal morning. . .learned that coffee seems to help me in volleyball oddly enuf. . . .
gorgeous gorgeous day
typical afternoon classes
picked up vehicle! :-D happy to have it, not happy with it.
Bible Study: as always, it rocked. first half spent listening to Presidential message and then praying for everything; also had pizza
got back: and of course, being the procrastinator, hung out in the courtyard talking to Jonathan and Josh for awhile, then Caleb, Lisl, Jenny joined us. Caleb had the Judge in Hand and he happened to give it to Jenny. . .
Although our possession of the Judge on ELH-2 didn't last long, we did get pictures of ourselves with it and have started our own war with Josh.
studied, lurked on forums as always

now for my thoughts on War.

I'm always struck by the thought and wonderings of what my parents thought back in their college days: Vietnam. I also dread the thought of war as I think of my sister in the Navy. She has wanted out since before all this mess and now she has a five-month old son to think of. I pray that she's able to stay here and that they'll let her go when her four years is up: she's aiming for this December. I'm very Idealist. I realize that the odds are very slim for this not ending in War, but I continue to hope. Nothing is impossible with God. I pray that we see God glorified in this and people are brought to him.

On other notes: I hate being told things I already know. For example, people can tell me about my sister and her contract, committment and how she agreed to be of service if such things as war ever occurred. That doesn't change my feelings. Don't insult my intelligence when I complain and bring my concerns about something: I may already know, realize, understand the logic of the other side but I don't always change my opinions. I also get annoyed when it seems someone is mothering me when i don't need to be taken care of. I'm fiercely independent. When I need someone's help, I'll ask for it. And if someone steps in without my asking them too and it's a case where I didn't see how I needed help, I'll probly be annoyed first and then think it through and realize that God used that person to save me from myself. I hate being corrected on minor insignificant things like pronunciation. I mess up words a lot. It isn't really all that important in casual conversation is it? It if doesn't hurt anyone then ignore it. Maybe i should have a thicker skin to such things; but that skin gets worn through by constant and seeming incessant botherances. (and when I'm not blessed with a lot of sleep. . . )

Gee I seem to need to rant a lot these days. . . maybe it's just my attitude, but, sometimes people just need to get it out.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:06 AM 

 

   wow, i'm finally back and actually happy to be back. . . not thinking about classes and hw that is. . . so many things to catch up on. . . but some of it is cool (ie hearing about other pals and their breaks!) i'm eager to see everyone again. so i learned a lot about my driving style and preferred methods of traveling: as in incessant talking bothers me to no end, especially on a ten hour drive from midnight to eight a.m. (i guess that's only eight hours. . . ) also, going less than the speed limit is too slow, but hey, it wasn't my car, therefore i really can't complain a whole lot. . .i really can't complain at all. backseat driving: GRRRR. i try to avoid doing it myself because i hate it when people offer up their advice when i don't ask for it when i'm driving and it annoys me when others do it to other drivers. i'm also distrustful when it comes to navigation skills of other people. i like to know where we are going, and i really hope other people do too--especially in unfamiliar areas. (where's my sense of adventure!?) oh yeah, i'm not sure how much i'm going to admit my major to people anymore: i'm getting tired, or maybe it was just this one time. . .--but i get so tired of people giving me their helpful hints on public school vs home school and curriculum and teaching methods and such. i should be grateful, but i'm not, especially in a crowded car in the middle of the night. (boy it feels a little better to write all this out.) another peeve of mine: discussing denominations and such, speaking in generalizations about them and their problems. i'm also tired of hearing about the LU bubble, i realize that one exists, but i guess i tend to think that people here have more a grip on the "real world" than people give them credit for. (and maybe i was just a little anxious to get back and tired of car traveling and therefore a lot of things touched on my nerves; there is more that got on my nerves, but i really will refrain from listing them. . . they are more "minor" annoyances i.e. same few lines of song being sung over and over again, sometimes just certain voices tones, blah blah blah)

i have been struggling a lot with pride. i honestly scare myself sometimes. i wish i could explain this one more.

it was really a great spring break. and i still have my friends and we still all love each other: for that i am more than grateful. i'll write some more later. i'm even considering doing another private blog, since it is easier to type than write by hand (or i'm just more of a computer nerd than i care to admit.)

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:02 AM 

 

   wow, what a few days it has been and i don't have time to write. :-( i've learned quite a bit over time, and i sit back and reflect that i am ready to go back. . . i'm missing everyone! i love my friends that i have with me here, but. . . . i want to know how everyone is doing, how travels and mission trips and other spring breaks have been. not really ready for classes yet (but then i don't know if i ever am. . .well maybe a little at christmas break and right at the end of the summer.) anyways. . . more in a couple of days!

       <"Learning Teacher"> 10:51 PM 

 

   hehehe! Hello from Nebraska! Yes, i actually woke up around 730, i couldn't believe it of myself. . .guess those early classes have gotten me sort of trained. . .or maybe it was not worrying about homework all weekend. . .

I hope everyone is having a good Spring Break. I met my nephew this morning. . .an absolute cutie!!!!!! The drive went very well and a lot faster than expected. Oh yeah, it snowed last night. My lovely South Texas roomie is cold :-). Snow is melting off pretty quick though (i'm thankful, means less problems with ice.) well, i am going to off and check out other blogs now to see if anyone is updating thru break.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:20 PM 

 

   well, we're about to try again. i'm leaving in T minus tenish something minutes. today was spectacular: typical sleeping in, beautiful sunshine (and then an awesome sunset!) and rollerblading around campus with two beautiful friends, spending time outside with one of those after just talking. . . :-D :-D :-D all i can do is smile because God is awesome. view things are better than sharing with friends, just like really, nothing is better than sharing with God. it was a day for dreaming. i'm not disappointed at all in getting set back a day.

wishing everyone a spectacular, God blessed every minute, Spring Break.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 7:49 PM 

 

   other signs it-s spring:

the white flowers are out!!!!!!!
the bugs enter thru my window that is open because it is GORGEOUS outside
things look hopeful
the birds are singing and buzzing about
the trees are starting to bud
i got to wear shorts outside today
mosquitos. . . not the happiest reminder. . .but they are out again. . .thus it is Spring

       <"Learning Teacher"> 9:23 PM 

 

   spring break is here! (huge grin) and i almost made it out of Longview. lessons learned: you actually have to wipe off the power steering stick and then dip it again to check the fluid. gratitude: first, "This is God" starting to play on radio as we pray before leaving campus and then, car breaking down in town rather than somewhere in the middle of nowhere. hey. that's an interesting phrase. . . anyways, i know i'll get to Nebraska soon as God wants me there. i can always do homework. . . heeheheheh, yeah right. so. . .for now, i rest for somet time. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 6:24 PM 

 

   roden test in 8.5 hours so i should sleep only to wake up and study and test. . . and then go thru the rest of the day counting the hours until i leave. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 1:02 AM 

 

   i really hope i have a better class schedule next fall (although i will have a 720 am class :-( ) but four classes all in a row from chapel to 330 is not fun i tell you now.

so close to leaving for break! i'm feeling good about it--have a good idea of the route, plans, and i get to meet Caedin! :-D he's four and a half months old and the pictures i have show me a handsome little guy. may pictures will abound :-) i had some other stuff to say. . . but i think the five hours of sleep, less food/water intake today than i should, exhaustion and bruised arms plus the sore muscles from volleyball (:-p) and what not are calling me to a nap.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:11 PM 

 

   hooray for C.S. Lewis, one of the greatest authors of all time! I just started Screwtape Letters and am floored with the points that are made--relevancy to my life and others, and creepy how the devil works, yet grateful to God for being in his grace and under his protection--yet aware that the devil is still out to get me. and as we keep discussing apostasy & losing one's salvation in General Letters, it makes me think about that too.

sometimes the connections between seemingly unrelated things in my life is creepy. . . or more, makes me smile and remember that God truly speaks and works in different, sometimes seemingly inconsequential ways.

contributors to happiness: sunshine after a rainy month; warm blanket on cold night (although a struggle to get up in the morning into the colder air); a good book and a cup of coffee/chocolate; a relief from homework; getting out of class early; doing better than expected on an assignment/test; homemade food; finding money forgotten in a pocket; surveying my room and remembering i have spectacular friends; walking to class and saying hi/knowing more than 90% (more than 15% even) of the people i pass; integers; a silly forum war of PI versus pie; more to come. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 11:04 AM 

 

   so i was just laying back and thinking about authorial intent and reader response. funny how that comes up a lot. . .i wonder. . .anyways
but i was thinking, you know, the same happens in conversations with people and with posts on forums and such sometimes. sometimes people only read, interpret, hear what they want to hear instead of catching the real point that is trying to be made. one of the common things i hear and talk a lot about with people, especially at the beginning of the school year, is how guys get frustrated with girls for misinterpreting signals and girls complain about guys sending mixed signals. well a lot of that comes from the girls wanting the signals to be more than just friendship or gentlemanliness. not an easy thing to control. heh, i learned so well last year and have so many awesome guy friends that i have missed signals before that and i prefer to believe guys do things just because they're cool like that. but i've also been gaining a lot of experience with response/intent in just conversations with friends too. maybe that is where the root of communication problems come in. we all come in with different backgrounds and experiences. what is harmless or meaningless to one person can carry a whole lot more weight with another person. we aren't always able to know what and what not to say around various peoples, but we do need to be careful and pay attention to reactions. we also need to be careful with how we react--find that great, and the answer always seems to be, balance, of being tough and sensitive--knowing when to let things slide and when to confront. easier said than done. just some thoughts.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:52 AM 

 

   p.s. keep the honduras trip in your prayers!!!!!!!!

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:59 PM 

 

   random thoughts from the day:

english lit: boy, that is a weird movie we are watching. (Faust) what happened to the subtitles Dr Watson was telling us about? and sitting up in front of the screen in those chairs is not a comfortable way of watching a movie.

chapel: math/computer science. i think i may have been the only math major in there excluding the teachers,yet i knew most of the people there and ones that were missing. i am very much not a computer programming geek at all. i would have been happy with just taking CS-1. that was fun. after that. . plbbbbbbb. . .

volleyball: i'm going to hurt when i wake up tomorrow because i am a lazy bum and haven't been working out. but it was fun and it felt good--strangely, it almost felt like i was in shape. . didn't make sense. . . maybe it was just the right type to not kill me.

why does stuff keep disappearing from our kitchen fridge? people, honestly, just like the ones who use someone else's dishes and don't wash them for a week until the owner ends up washing them herself. (see guys, you aren't the only ones) granted i slip up every now and then. . . but a dirty kitchen is a pet peeve of mine. . .

sunshine again! i wonder if i have time for a little nap. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:55 PM 

 

   hey, it works now! :-D so i had some profound thought tonight that was like "ooh, i need to write that one down in my blog" and i lost it before i got here. if it was really good, it'll come back to me later. i really need to be going to bed now. . .

       <"Learning Teacher"> 12:47 AM 

 

   playing around with template....grrr. . why won't it work?

       <"Learning Teacher"> 5:06 PM 

 

   hooray for sunshine! darn that homework that makes me stay in my room. but at least i have been productive a bit this afternoon! i've decided that this is much more interesting than reading a commentary on 1 John, and reading other people's blogs is even better. one week from today,barring any unplanned events such as my car breaking down i will be in nebraska with my sister and nephew and brother in law not to mention three cool friends! spring break is almost here! hurrah! (i refuse to think about the next six weeks after that. . . )

so i took a trip down memory lane for a short bit last night as i went through an old high school yearbook of shem's. (for a semester we were at the same school!) it was weird--i don't really miss those days at all, any of my high school days or last year even. God just lets life keep getting better, for as many more trials as I go through.

symphony is great if just for two hours of going and letting my thoughts roam, especially in the company of spectacular friends. it's so peaceful, relaxing and great to be off campus. kind of fun to get a little dressed up too, although i still prefer tennis shoes, jeans, and a comfy shirt. what also makes symphony great is just the music. music has to be in my blood--i miss playing the violin and piano a little bit. i actually get more done with music going then not and my tastes cross a wide, long spectrum. and singing, ahhh. . .i love to sing, especially praise songs--worshipping God. Prayer and Praise has been just amazing awesome. well, if i want to enjoy my spring break without feeling guilty about leaving schoolwork behind, i better get back to my readings. . .oh the number of pages i will have read this semester! (eh, i won't feel guilty one smidgen next week, but still. . . )

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:42 PM 

 

   so sam assures me that sometimes posts take time getting up. i hope so. maybe it will be back up when i am done killing time with my awesome friends--symphony, a movie. i've been browsing other blogs of other peoples i know. it's really cool. i hope i get a chance to learn some of the other cool things to do like comments and links.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 6:26 PM 

 

   gotta love procrastinating. but hey, i have been productive this gray afternoon. is the sun ever going to come back? yes i know it will, but it's been over a week. how many days of sunshine have we had this last month?

i love looking around my room and being reminded of the wonderful wonderful friends i have. dried roses from Valentines' Day--one from the floor and one from a great group of guys that I've been studying Ecclesiastes with. the pictures i have up on the walls. my dress for symphony tonight as i am taking one awesome guy whom i'll miss much after he graduates. (ooh, my care package. must email thank you note to parent church today.) (hey, if i kept this up fairly well i could put up notes to remind myself to do things.) back to friends. they are my sunshine on cloudy days. they've lifted me up through so much.

we were talking at Bible study last night about having a good day but knowing bad days are ahead. being at college and hanging out with friends and knowing that the odds are stacked so that a lot of us will lose touch once we leave. i hate that. especially as i have friends graduating this year. one awesome thing is that we'll see each other again in Heaven, but as i've lost touch with some friends from my high school days, i don't want that to happen with my friends here. friendship has always been one of the biggest things of my life--sometimes even bigger than family. it truly is one of the greatest gifts God has graced my life with.

here's to having friends now, friends in the family of God. being an idealist, i'll hope and pray that i don't lose touch with any of you. if i do, i'll remind myself that i'll see ya again in Heaven one day. for now, though, now. enjoy the present and not letting what could happen get me down.

hope of the future is kind of like good memories from the past. just as memories can make us smile, so can thoughts of the future. on the other side of that of course is that bad memories can bring us down as can knowing some of the sad odds of life and that society is probably only going to get worse. but did Christ ever despair? he never despaired--he cried out to God--but he cried "not my will but thine be done." he knew he was going to die--but he didn't let that knowledge stop him from making a family out of his disciples and followers, or from going out and doing good. The odds may be against a lot of good things, but nothing is impossible with God. i want to live like I won't lose touch with my friends--that we'll always be there for each other, if only in thoughts and prayers. there may be only a minute chance of Hussein accepting Christ, but it isn't impossible.

Here's to bad days and good days, terrible odds but glimmers of hope, endless possibilities with God. Here's to God's will being done and our lives glorifying Him--that others may see the glory and believe.

wow. i like this. this is cool.

       <"Learning Teacher"> 4:45 PM 

 

   well, i have fallen into the ranks of my other blogging friends. figure this might help me keep my journal better updated. here goes

       <"Learning Teacher"> 3:05 PM